Richard Rohr suggests more difficult to forgive the small things people do to us:
‘The little things you know about another person; how they sort of did you wrong yesterday […] it’s much harder to let go of these micro-offences, precisely because they’re so tiny. And so we unconsciously hoard then, and they clog us up.’*
Like those fine diesel particles burying themselves in the depths of our lungs, accumulating.
As Anne Lamott points out, it feels like real life shows us in our worst light:
‘Real life was often slow and disappointing, not one bit like TV. Life seemed to be set up to shine light on our defects.’**
It’s Eckhart Tolle who warns us of the ego’s “painbody.” This part of us wants to be hurt because it proves what kind of person the other is. The ego wants to tell us that the present is only a repeat of the past … nothing changes, no surprises.
It’s Richard Rohr, in another of his books, who helps us to see how “deep-time living” makes forgiveness possible:
‘I would wonder if you would be a hero or heroine if you did not live in what many call deep time – that is, the past, present, and future all at once.’^
The present emerges from the past but also from the future – where no offence can be committed because it hasn’t happened yet – and so there is a new possibility.
It’s our choice.
We can move from ego to eco (my recent blog outlines this with a little more detail). Deep time living allows to make different choices. We can choose the future over the past. It doesn’t mean that we act naively with those who have done us wrong. Rohr recognises this:
‘To grow in the ways of love, I think this shows real genius. Psychologically, humans actually need some conditional love to lead us towards the recognition and need for unconditional love.’*
We’re explorers of growing human efficacy, moving towards the horizons of human capacity over dependence on technology alone – think pharmaceutical, genetic, and surgical enhancements:
‘One basic way to expand our efficacy its through modern science and technology. But another is through integrated (emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual) growth and enhanced wisdom. This means growing in our sense of connection with nature and with one another and learning to live in ways that naturally cultivate our capacity to be human.’ ^^
(*From Richard Rohr’s The Divine Dance.)
(**Fropm Anne Lamott’s Hallelujah Anyway.)
(^From Richard Rohr’s Falling Upward.)
(^^From Peter Senge, Joseph Jaworski, Otto Scharmer, and Betty Sue Flowers’ Presence.)