I am touched only if I respond from my own centre – that is, spontaneously, originally. But you do not touch me except from your own centre, out of your own genius. Touching is always reciprocal. You cannot touch me unless I touch you in response. The opposite of touching is moving. You move me by pressing me from without toward a place you have already foreseen and perhaps prepared. It is a staged action that succeeds only if in moving me you remain unmoved yourself.*
James Carse’s thoughts are worth working with though they have a denseness about them. He continues:
This means that we can be moved only by persons who are not what they are; we can be moved only when we are not who we are, but are what we cannot be … .*
We realise that we’re always in danger of trying to move someone from our falseness rather than our trueness.
When we truly meet with someone, it is as if we enter a portal of possibility and we don’t know what’s going to happen there: we have no plan or agenda. When we try to move others we spoil possibility, but when we seek to touch an other something magical happens, that is, something neither I nor they could premeditate.
When I say this, I am aware of how uncommon this is.
*From James Carse’s Finite and Infinite Games.