‘Five times a second, at an unconscious level, your brain is scanning the environment around you and asking itself: Is it safe here?  Or is it dangerous?’*

‘[G]ossip plays an important social role by reinforcing community values: it makes people feel closer to each other, it unifies people who play by the rules, it helps people get a sense of the values of their community … .’**

When we sense danger things become black and white.  Do we run or stay?  I’m wondering if this is something of what we see in gossiping.  Making black and white judgements, deciding who is with me and who is against me.

Michael Bungay Stanier offers four drivers for engagement, or sticking around, using the acronym of TERA, which he links to terroir, the influence of a specific region upon the grapes grown there, and therefore the wine produced.  These are four ways of influencing the environment.

T is for Tribe, which I would translate as enlarging your tribe to include others – or better still, let’s create new tribes together.

E is for Expectation, which I understand to mean creating a better future together, hoping for the best rather than expecting the worst.

R is for Rank, so why not treat others as equals, imbibing humility and, so, standing in our dignity and providing this for others.

A is for Autonomy, which is about giving others their say, their moment, to bring something awesome.

You may have noticed that each of these can also be used in a disengaging way, tribes disengage from other tribes, my expectations can come before yours, my rank supersedes yours, and, my autonomy is paramount for survival.

We have a choice, then.  This is a choice over whether we are an influencer towards a bigger world or a smaller one.  Gretchen Rubin, warns us that the things we say about others comes back to shape what others think about us:

‘What I say about other people sticks to me – even when I talk to someone who already knows me.  So I do well to say good things.’**

(*From Michael Bungay Stanier’s The Coaching Habit.)
(**From Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project.)